Gone lover girl

The year was 2025 and I had just moved to Portugal. On January 4th I wrote an entire blog about never dating men again. It was a brief history of my lover girl tendencies. I sent it to all my friends. Then I hid it from the public domain for over a year. It’s been well over a year and I reread it…awe, that sad lover girl. WHEN WILL SHE LEARN??

It will take another eleven months…

Here’s what happened.

It starts with two different French men…who are both the astrological sign of Taurus, which is the sign I love most. I am going to be calling everyone Joe from now on. So these two French Joe’s are from different French parts. One is from Paris, France and the other is from Quebec, Canada. Paris Joe slid into my DM’s on Instagram. 

His instagram handle had the same nickname as the Australian Joe who I thought I was going to move to Sydney for. Literally the same nickname as the man who made me wanna quit dating three weeks earlier. What are the f’ing odds? Especially because it was such a unique name. Never met a name like this in in my life, and now I’ve met two in less than a month?! 

SINEAD, ARE WE NOT TAKING THE HINT!?

I wish I could write their real names because they both shared the same nickname but the core name was different. Both their instagrams had the same nickname as their handle…weird, right??

Anyways, I’m on Paris Joe’s Insta and at first glance I like his style, and he makes art. We start chatting and talking about our ages. I am thinking we are guessing our ages and he thinks that we are telling our ages but I don't realize this until after. So because of the communication barrier he thinks we are admitting our age... 

I guessed his age at 33.

He thinks I am saying that I am 33.

He says ‘oh wow I thought you were my age’ 

And I ask, ‘What is your age?’ 

He says 27. 

He is 12 years younger than me.

Well alright. sits up taller

I stay quiet and go along with being 33, bc who cares?

We went out on a dinner date and he is very sweet. 

I told him my situation at the time: I am seeing if I want to move to Lisbon by living in a few different Airbnbs. If a good opportunity presents itself then I am willing to stay. 

Around that time I needed to move from one Airbnb to another, except they were so close to each other I didn't want to take an Uber. So he offers to help me move by rolling my luggage down the street. It was a ten minute walk. It was fun and he was entertaining. I enjoyed his accent and the way he teased me. There was a good vibe between us but it didn’t go anywhere.

That was at the end of January-February 2025.

February 2025 there is the Big Wave Competition in Nazare. I was working at Wheelhouse that day. I had just done a tapping on surrendering. I wondered if I should take an uber to Nazare to see this once in a lifetime event.  Who knows where I will be next February. Because I had just done a tapping on this exact thing, I was in the flow! LFG. I ordered an uber. 

While I am in the uber I open up Hinge, and a guy that I am talking to happens to be at Nazare at that moment. Another French guy from Canada, Quebec Joe. I message him when I get to Nazare. I walk down the hill among a massive crowd of people. We try to find each other by texting photos of what we see around us. He emerged from the side of a mountain, he’s cute. We hung out the whole time. We smoked some weed and watched amazing surfers do amazing things. 

He tells me he is traveling around Portugal and Spain for the winter in a rented camper van. Cool. I told him I considered doing that when I first got to Portugal, then realized it wasn’t for me at that time. I love a proper shower. 

That day at Nazare, we took so many photos and videos that both of our phones died. How am I going to order a Uber?

Quebec Joe with the camper van could not locate his camper van because his phone was dead. He told me that if he’s not sure where the van is, he will put on his computer’s device finder and follow that map to his laptop. We need to charge his phone.

He said we could go to the restaurant, get food and charge our phones…genius. We do that. Half way through the dinner we realize the phone charger isn't charging! Then he goes to take money out of the ATM to pay for dinner and that doesn't work either. It's wild. Mercury retrograde things.

Finally the phones start charging and we stay in the restaurant while they clean and close up shop around us. It’s late. I considered staying in the van that night, with no funny business. We drove around to look for a nice place to camp out on. Somewhere close to the beach and have have a nice cuddle. 

The next morning we woke up to the ocean sounds and looked in each other's eyes and kissed. Disgusting. My worst nightmare tbh, a first kiss and with a hint of morning breath? Ugh, I guess lol

…it was still nice. 

I guess I like this guy to be kissing him first thing in the morning…and we left it at that. We went for breakfast, I still had makeup on my face from the day before. A real class act. He paid for my Uber home, he was very sweet.

We stayed in touch while he was traveling and ended up having a few mini adventures together. A few weeks later I gave him his first tattoos. And in May 2025 I went to Canada and tattooed him again. He’s great! I like the connection we have. 

After my lil camper van romance in February I figured I could date casually again. I told myself: I am in control. I will not get attached. So I got myself into a seven month long situationship with an Italian surfer. I go into more details on my substack. 

After months of dating this man it was December 2025 and I was doing my second Date with Destiny online. At this point is has been exactly a year since the one week romance that happened with Australian Joe…I wondered if I had made any progress…I didn’t. 

Each day during the Date with Destiny conference is different, and on this specific day it was relationship day. I decided to be vulnerable…I texted my Italian Surfer Joe and said, ‘“I miss you. I hope everything is going well in Italy, cant wait to see you again.”’

long story short, we break up.  

read all about the break up here

Fuck Tony Robbins Relationship Day.  

I decided that I should be celibate instead. 

It’s been seven months since I have been intimate. (said like the old lady in titanic)

After months, years, of listening to popsychology on social media, I have decided that everyone is wrong and no one knows what they are doing. I can’t listen to another influencer’s tarot card reading about my love life.

I am so tired of the labels, are you an avoidant or an anxious attachment style. Are you a black cat or a golden retriever? I am tired of everyone playing games, or calling everyone a narcissist. I am tired of spiritual people thinking that they are matched with a twin flame, what the fuck is that?

Why are we over complicating this whole matter?

Oh right….for the sex.

So what if I take sex out of the equation altogether? 

For the next year I will be documenting my dating journey on Substack. Weekly blogs about where I am at in order to see my own patterns and unravel my own beliefs around if I really want marriage and a long term partnership.

Some days I think I want a husband and the next I think I could never live with a man. I love being single but I wonder, what am I really missing out on?